Cleaning the shit !!!

An manager walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, “I want coffee”.

The waiter says, “Sure Sir, coming right up”.

He gets the manager a tall mug of coffee, and the manager drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the manager returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “I want coffee”.

The waiter says, “Whoa, we’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway”?

The manager smiles and proudly says, “I am training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave a mess for others to clean up, and disappear for rest of day.

The real worker !!!

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Unwanted pretention.

A manager had just got his own beautiful cabin and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the star manager he picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around ,made giant commitments, & asked lot of big questions.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
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The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines." ;)

Star Performer Prize

The executive goes to his Boss who is standing in a field & ask's him :" What are you doing"
The Boss responds " I am trying to win star performer prize"
Executive puzzled : How ?
Boss  : The management has announced the prize to all who are out standing in the field. ;)

The Man , Donkey & Dog.

Good story with old version…

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.

The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.

The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
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Now take a new look at the same story…

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.

He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.

Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.

The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…

After all Buziness is Buziness

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.

The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour r...eaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.

The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour.

"I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide.

It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!" ;)

Persuasion...

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'
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On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar'

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya ?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'

The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks
"Aam hai kya??"

The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hits the parrot on the face.

The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks

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"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???" ;)

Taking Decisions

The manager of a large corporation suffers a heart attack and the doctor tells him to go to a farm to relax. The guy goes to a farm, and after a couple of days he is very bored, so he asks the farmer to give him some job to do.

The farmer tells him to clean up all the cow manure. The farmer thought that for somebody coming from the city, working his whole life sitting in a plush office, it will take him over a week to finish the job, but to his surprise the manager finishes the job in less than a day.

The next day the farmer gives to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer is sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes are still empty.

The farmer asks the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first 2 days, and you cannot do this simple job?"

The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I've been cutting heads and dealing with crap, but now you ask me to take decisions!" ;)

Collywood Heads !!!

On walking into the Office, the Manager of the Company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such

A personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn 5000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the Manager took out his wallet and removed 15000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here
I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the Manager said in a very upset manner,

"And that applies to everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"

Moral : while looking at stars , see what lies at your feet....or.....!!!

Abilities

Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around,when suddenly baby camel said.

Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some question?"

Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "why do camel have humps?"
Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water."

Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
Mother:"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone ",said the mother proudly.

Baby: "okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye Lashes long? Sometimes it is bothering my sight." said baby camel.
Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your Protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride.

Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???"

MORAL OF THE STORY :
SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCE
ARE ONLY USEFUL IF YOUR MANAGER GIVES OPPORTUNITY!!  ;)